Rumours are rife about unexpected news in the aftermath of the great Brexit debate in the UK.
In a last ditch effort to persuade the UK Government not to trigger Article 50 of the Lisbon Treaty, the European Commission is (allegedly) about to announce an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union. It means the Queen’s English rather than German (which was the other possibility).
As part of the negotiations, the British Government has apparently conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement. To that end, it has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as"Euro-English."
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c."
This will sertainly make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".
This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".
This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
In adition, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer, people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Britz ut, no vey hozey.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
©Michael McSorley 2016